Lazy

photo 1My hiatus from posting, honestly, from writing is due to my lack of discipline. I marvel how easily one disappointment can counteract six kinds of encouragement in me. The alchemy of my thinking drives me to seek the isolation of ‘research’ and introspection; aka worry, negative self talk, listlessness. Disruptions to my plans or schedule provide sufficient excuses for wasting time or saying yes to yet more distractions.
Admitting this makes me think of a good friend, a therapist and colleague who recently used the gesture of raising both hands and flexing pointer and tall man fingers inwardly, a pretty common Illustration of quote marks. In her precise comedic timing, she explained that whatever was IN the quotes was a source of pain. Notice, I’ve carefully avoided the quotes so far. This same friend a few months ago asked simply out of curiosity, free of any kind of rancor, “Are you lazy?” In the moment I could easily respond, of course not. I found this laughable, that is until it started to nag at me, that little question.
Remembering the red and white plastic bobber on the water’s surface, Are you Lazy? Bounced teasingly until it struck me, I’d never ever considered that before. The lazy question began to really irritate with the vengeance of a poppy seed struck between my teeth. Days later I mentioned the bit of ire I was feeling to a close friend. I asked her while she was driving, just like my kids did to me about any real pivotal issues- there’s no escape strategy. Without a moment’s lapse, she gripped the wheel harder, lurched forward and blew snot! She had NOT stifled a sneeze or her opinion.
She blew the TRUTH. Wow, I didn’t know until then. That pesky seed-feel began to soften. It took a couple of days. Then I decided and was able to say it out loud. Yep, I’m LAZY. I can own it. Sometimes even celebrate it. With the same fervor of Melissa Ethridge’s coming out anthem Yes, I AM.
Lazy, yes I am.

2 thoughts on “Lazy

  1. Pam Kolter

    You’re in good, maybe great company. I have my own speed……once I’m ready………look out. No apologies……..that’s not really lazy………or is it?

    Reply
    1. Michele Wood Post author

      I didn’t blow snot or even hold my breath when I read this. Verdict is: your nearly perfect!

      Reply

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