photo(1)It is not uncommon to get a song stuck in my head. “First you say you do And then you don’t, Then you say you will, And then you won’t, You’re undecided now, So what are you going to do?” are the lyrics that have nagged at me.
Luckily it is a playful tune of push and pull, expectation and disappointment, of yes and no popularized
by Ella Fitzgerald. The title of this song is “Undecided.” Like the song, I was trying to move a relationship that was stuck, and for me had started to fester.

“Now you want to play, And then it’s no, And when you say you’ll stay, That’s when you go. You’re undecided now. So what are you going to do?.

So by the second stanza, the debate in my head recognizes that people decide at different rates of speed. Some like a studied, careful approach, and are slow to take action. Others are logical and weigh consequences but are quick, confident and decisive. Both approaches work, because ultimately there’s a decision that results in action. It’s the fence sitters, observers, armchair quarterbacks who simply enjoy watching others carry the load that are creating my current angst.

Sports teams and performers need fans and audiences, teachers need students. Engagement between those involved creates a palpable energy. So showing up and keeping a date is only part of game. If the observers are distracted, only partially present the connection is impossible. The last stanza is “I’ve been sitting on a fence, And it doesn’t Make SENSE, Cause you keep me in Suspense, And you Know it!”

Dang it! It always come back to this…..I can Decide. I can step up and own my truth. I can’t change people. I need to administer life saving truth like rescue breathing or chest compressions given ony rare circumstances. I have the get off my behind and over any hurdle not to be fence sitter.

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